


good girls do bad things sometimes

by ls201



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, Self-Harm, madison can be a decent human being, zoe doesn't know how to deal with her problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 08:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4738841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ls201/pseuds/ls201
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>zoe's bad at coping with her pain and madison decides to be decent for once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	good girls do bad things sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for self-harm. this was just a little idea i had at 12 am, don't really plan on expanding it. i was just thinking of all the many emotions zoe must have felt during the course of coven and how disappointed i was that the writers didn't seem to expand too much on it. judging by the way she acts in 3x02, it seems that zoe does not deal with guilt well when she first joins the coven, and i'm sure the guilt of (spoiler) charlie's death and the pain of essentially being rejected by her parents must be killing her inside. this is just my random take on how she might have possibly dealt with that crushing guilt and overwhelming pain.
> 
> this is supposed to take place after zoe's arrived at miss robichaux's in 3x01, but before the girls have dinner together and madison invites zoe to the frat party. i know that at dinner, madison asks zoe what landed her here and nan spills the beans, but in my mind i think that madison already knew that (maybe snuck a peek at her case file in a moment of boredom , i mean the girls obviously knew there was a new girl coming since they took the time to set up for that fake sacrifice, or maybe nan had already told her) and was just bringing it up to be a bitch and make zoe uncomfortable. or maybe it was to try to intimidate queenie since it was pretty obvious at that point that madison was going to take zoe under her wing, and perhaps madison thought that the idea of having two girls who have killed people against her would scare queenie? idk it's 1 in the morning man. anyway, this is my take on what would have happened if madison had caught zoe self-harming. i think she would have kind of tried to make it seem like she wanted zoe to stop for selfish reasons, but on the inside she did care at least a little bit; maybe she saw a little bit of herself in zoe, after all surely she's familiar with addiction since she smokes and does drugs and is perhaps a bit of a nymphomaniac. so i think that would have triggered something in madison and that, along with wanting a friend in the coven, would prompt madison to invite zoe to the frat party with her.
> 
> anyway, i'm rambling now. thank you for reading! 
> 
> xo,  
> L

The art of scarring her own flesh was an intimate practice for Zoe Benson; it was something to be done in private, in a small bathroom with harsh fluorescent lights, away from all the violent noise and slow rot of the outside world. And it was certainly something that Zoe had never planned on revealing to anyone else.

 

But it was her first night at Miss Robichaux’s. She’d been thrown off course; her axis had been tilted, and Zoe was not up to date on the methods one used to protect their privacy in a house full of witches (especially with a clairvoyant in the mix). And sitting alone in her bedroom, Madison having snuck downstairs to spit in Queenie’s soda, Zoe’s only companion was her memory. 

 

These memories weren’t good ones. Images flashed through her head — Charlie, dying below her; Charlie’s father, calling her a murderous slut when she arrived at his funeral; her mother, sending her away because she was too afraid of her own child. The emotions built up, the guilt, anger, humiliation, pain, depression all clawing at her chest until Zoe felt like she was being eaten alive from the inside out. Suddenly it was too much, and she had to let the pain out before it killed her.

 

She crept into the bathroom — thank god it was connected to the room she shared with Madison. The light was on, and the mirror was still fogged up from some other witch’s shower, but Zoe locked the door and grabbed her makeup bag from the counter. She pulled out the small Zip-loc of razors and selected the one that sparkled the least in the bright light. Less sparkle meant a duller blade, and Zoe wanted this to hurt.

 

It wasn’t hard to think of a trigger, to open the floodgates of memories that burned inside her chest like fire and ate away at her skin like acid. Zoe had been doing this on and off for a few years now, ever since she was fourteen and her parents began to slowly pull away from her. At a time in her life when they should have been supporting their daughter, the Bensons instead rejected her, treated her like a poisonous snake that was poised to strike at any time. Being ignored by her own family hurt far more than any petty taunts from her peers, and Zoe had to find an outlet for her pain. This seemed like the only answer. 

 

When Charlie died, Zoe realized why her parents had neglected her — she was deadly. A black widow, as Madison had already said twenty times in the past two hours. Come too close, and you would get hurt. Suddenly, it wasn’t too hard to put herself in her parents’ shoes and understand why they could no longer bear the mere presence of their only child.

 

Zoe knew cutting wasn’t a solution. She’d vaguely listened in on way too many health classes to know that. But in spite of the common sense that cringed and looked away every time Zoe pulled out a blade, it just seemed like the only option. What else could she do? Go broke paying a middle-aged woman in a skirt suit to label her crazy? Tell her _parents_ , who didn’t even have the courtesy to personally shove her onto the first train out of Boston? Confide in a friend? She didn’t have any. Zoe Benson had no options other than this, this strangely effective way of releasing the pain that ate her up inside. 

 

It wouldn’t have made sense to anyone else if she’d tried to explain it. Zoe knew that, but only dwelled upon it for a brief moment as she heard the _pop_ of her skin opening. Blood spattered the white porcelain sink, and though she knew she’d have to clean it up as soon as possible, Zoe relished the sight. Her entire body seemed to let out a sigh of relief as she swore she could feel the pain of mistakes past leaving her, now dripping onto the floor.

 

Only a few cuts more, and Zoe felt free of her sins for now; her mind was going easy on her tonight. She grabbed a tissue and pressed it to her bleeding wounds as she wet a towel and set to work cleaning up the mess she’d made. Throwing the soiled towel in the hamper, Zoe thought, _This power I have, it can take away my boyfriend, my family, my life, but at least it can never take_ this _away from me. Even if cleaning it up is a bitch._

 

∞

Downstairs, Miss Robichaux’s best and only clairvoyant threw her headphones on the couch and frowned. “The new girl’s being loud,” Nan complained, marking her place in _Pride and Prejudice_. 

 

Madison rolled her eyes from her place at the dining table, where she was currently sipping a cup of green tea and scrolling through her Twitter feed. “You’re only contributing to the noise by mentioning it, Mumbles,” she sneered. “Can a girl enjoy her social media in peace?” 

 

Nan hadn’t heard a word Madison had said; her eyebrows were furrowed together, and the young woman wore a look of deep concentration. Madison sighed and rose from her chair, sauntering over to where Nan was seated. “Great, so now we’re stalking the newbie?” she hissed. “Get a life, Nan, maybe work on fixing those smelly pits and getting a boyfriend.” 

 

“Shut _up_ , Madison, I’m trying to help you out here,” Nan snapped, finally focusing her attention back on her surroundings. “You want to be friends with her, don’t you?” 

 

Madison raised an eyebrow. “What’s it to you?”

 

“Well, whether you want a new BFF or not, I think it’d still be a wise idea to stop her from slitting her wrists,” Nan shot back. “She’s in the bathroom upstairs.” 

 

Madison’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before her face assumed its normal, careless expression. “Sure, whatever. Be back in five,” she called over her shoulder, heading up the stairs. “Make sure my tea doesn’t get cold.”

 

∞

The last dirty towel had just gone in the hamper when the lock to the door clicked open. Zoe froze, staring in shock at the doorknob as it turned, almost in slow motion. _Please go away_ , she pleaded in her head. _Pleasepleasepleasedon’tseeanything—_

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?” Madison Montgomery demanded, strolling into the bathroom and snatching away the tissue that covered Zoe’s wrist. She took one look at the cuts and let out an exasperated sigh.

 

“Great idea, Zoe,” Madison snorted, glancing at the bloodied towels in the hamper. “You’re one of the last members of a dying breed, and you decide to slice yourself open. You know what a dumb idea that is, right?” 

 

Zoe couldn’t respond, couldn’t talk, couldn’t think, could only shake as she watched the movie star grab a box of band-aids and some Neosporin from the cabinet. _This is it,_ she thought. _I have nothing now. No release. Nothing._

 

“I mean, we’ve all been through some tough shit,” Madison continued nonchalantly, opening her supplies. “Hell, my mom snorted _my_ cocaine and then turned me in for it! But you don’t see me hacking away at myself. You killed your boyfriend, but you didn’t get caught, so… Who cares? ” Zoe winced as Madison rubbed some Neosporin into the cuts and pressed a large bandage onto them.

 

“And anyway, we’re the only two remotely attractive people around here, and everyone here knows how bitchy I get when I have to go to parties alone, so do us all a favor and throw away the blades, okay?” Madison threw the bandaid wrapper in the trash, and moved like she was going to leave, but stopped in the doorway.

 

“Seriously. Promise me, Zoe. I can’t deal with any more shit from Human Voodoo Doll,” she whined. Although the older girl’s plea was under the guise of a complaint, something in Madison’s eyes told Zoe that she meant it. 

 

“Okay,” Zoe whispered. 

 

A smirk flashed across Madison’s face. “Dinner’s in ten,” she said, and then, she was gone. 


End file.
